Outline:

A well-situated western town is founded by a wealthy rail baron and his son – all land parcels held in trust by an agent of the Founder, issued to any homesteader who applies.

Laws of the town:

No Fightin’

No Thievin’

No Lyin’

No Murderin’

No Spittin’

Little Moe and the Town of Paradise Gulch

Part 1, the Founding of the Town

Cast:

Narrator – Wants to tell the story as clearly as possible, tends to be a bit long-winded, very much a ‘detail person’, is allowed to interact with the audience a little, not required to wear western clothes

Founder – Loves people, wants to give them a place where they can live and thrive under good laws, is generous and kind but has great authority and power, dearly loves his Son, the ‘Kid’.

Founder’s Son (the ‘Kid’) – Seeks to further the aims of the Founder, especially loves the people of the town, wants to teach them to obey the laws that the Founder has established

Agent – is humble and kind, wants people to come to town and to receive a grant of free land, works with those who have trouble signing the covenant

Little Moe – is desperate for a fresh start in a new land, is willing to submit to the laws of the town, but is fearful of other townspeople

Black Bart – is an escaped murderer, seeks to take the town for himself, and is willing to kill anyone who stands in his way. He will encourage others to break laws in order to create a lawless situation where he can seize control of the town.

Sasparilla Sue – is an accomplished liar and trickster, is on the run from the law back East, where she defrauded many out of their life savings by tricking them into investing in a fake gold mine.

Calamity Jill – cannot stop herself from stealing possessions from others, is also on the run from her past, but is hoping to get a fresh start in the town.

Bushwhack Bronco – is aggressive, prone to take offense and routinely insults others without caring. Fights with anyone for any reason, but is also a little clumsy.

Sherriff (Founder’s Son, aka ‘The Kid’) – helps to design and build the town, oversees (in disguise) the arrival of the first residents. In his first ‘official’ visit to the town, is seeking to reconcile the people with the Founder and his laws, is gentle, turns aside offense, tries to reason with the people and encourages them to do good. In his second visit to the town, he is more concerned with justice.

Conductor -- An employee of the railroad, seeks to ensure that the passengers get off at the right stop.

Narrator: “Once upon a time there was a wealthy rail baron. He owned a large railroad company and bought huge parcels of land at dirt-cheap prices from the government so he could extend his railroad line all across the West. When the railroad was built, he had a lot of land left over, so he decided to Found a town. “

[Founder and Son (The Kid) walk out onto stage, surveying territory.]

Founder: “This would be a great place for a town, Kid. It is near the railroad, so people can get here, and there is a lot of good farming and cattle-grazing land. We will build a place where people can really live and enjoy this beautiful land.”

The Kid: “Sounds great, Pa. Let’s call it ‘Paradise Gulch’.”

Founder: “That’s a great name, Kid. You always have the best ideas. How shall we lay out the town, Son?”

The Kid: “I’m thinking we will need a train station, a land office, a store, and lots of houses for the people who will come. But what will make people want to stay here, Pa?”

Founder: “We will offer some of my land for free to anyone who will settle here. Of course, they’ll need to agree to obey my laws.”

The Kid: “Yes, because your laws are the only way to make sure the people will get along peacefully. But what if they don’t obey them?”

Founder: “That’s where YOU come in, Son. I’m leaving you here, in disguise. Let me tell you my plan … “ [They walk to the edge of the stage, with the Founder whispering to the Kid.]

Narrator: “And so they built the town. They bought huge quantities of lumber and hired carpenters from far and wide to build a shiny new town. [Sounds of hammering and sawing.] They built a railroad station, a town hall, a post office, a school, a church, a grocery store, and a large number of houses. “ [Show buildings on screen behind stage.] “Then the Founder moved West, but left an Agent in charge of the land.” [Founder claps Son on back, goes offstage. Son puts on false mustache and picks up a broom, begins sweeping, makes his way to the rail station. The Agent enters and sits at Land Agent desk.] “Soon, people began to arrive on the train.”

[Little Moe, Sasparilla Sue, Bushwhack Bronco, Calamity Jill and Black Bart come onstage, sit in chairs as though they are on a train. Moe and Sue are sitting together, Jill and Bob are sitting together, but Black Bart sits in a separate part of the train, by himself.]

[Noises of train are made in background for the next few lines.]

Conductor: [Walks between seats of train] “Next stop is Paradise Gulch, folks. Paradise Gulch, five minutes!”

Little Moe: “Well, Sue, we’re almost there. [Looks out window of train.] What beautiful country! But it IS pretty far from anywhere. I wonder if it is true, what the newspaper said?”

Sasparilla Sue: “It seems too good to be true, Moe. Who would give away free land?”

Little Moe: “It does seem crazy, Sue. But I was starving, back East, so this seemed like my only chance.”

Sue: “Well, here’s the town, coming up on the right. We’ll know pretty soon!”

Moe: “I’m so excited, I can hardly believe it!”

Conductor: “Paradise Gulch, folks! All passengers for Paradise Gulch, please exit the train!” [Exits]

Narrator: “As the train pulled into the station, the passengers collected their meager luggage, and made their way to the platform uncertainly.”

Calamity Jill: “Which way do you think is the Land Office?”

Bushwhack Bronco: [Sarcastically] “Maybe we should go that way, dust-for-brains. Can’t you read?” [Points at sign that says “Land Office ”]

Moe: [Offended on Jill’s behalf] “There’s no need to speak to her so rudely, stranger. Be polite to the lady!”

Bushwhack Bronco: [Walking up close to Moe to intimidate him.] “I’ll speak however I like, to whoever I like, you half-pint little runt. You want to make something of it?”

Moe: [Afraid of Bronco] “Well, no, I guess not.” [Backs away nervously.]

Sue: “As you say, this is the way to the Land Office. We might as well find out. Come on, folks!”

The Kid: [Sweeping, nods to new arrivals.] “Welcome to Paradise Gulch, folks.”

[They all walk across the stage to the Land Office, where the Agent sits waiting for them. Moe and Jill end up at front of the line, while the others hang back. The Kid slowly sweeps his way toward the Land Office, arriving there as the townspeople talk with the Agent.]

Little Moe: [Approaches Agent at desk of Land Office.] “Um, excuse me, are you the Land Agent?”

Agent: “Yes, I am. Welcome to Paradise Gulch. How may I help you?”

Little Moe: “Um, yes, we heard that this town was offering free land to anyone who asked? I don’t suppose that is really true?”

Agent: “Oh, yes, the Founder’s Grant. Yes, anyone who applies can receive 40 acres of land and a house here in town. Do you wish to apply?”

Little Moe: “Um, I guess so. What’s the catch?”

Agent: “Well, there really isn’t a catch. You just have to sign this paper, agreeing to obey the laws of the town.”

Jill: [Edges forward] “What are the laws? I suppose we have to give half our money to the Founder?”

Agent: “No, ma’am. Here is a copy of the Laws.” [Hands her a copy.]

Jill: “Look, Moe, these are actually pretty good laws:” [Reads the Laws off the paper.] “No Fightin’, No Thievin’, No Lyin’, No Murderin’, No Spittin’.” [Turns to Agent.] “What’s the problem, does your printer not have enough of the letter ‘G’?”

Agent: “No, ma’am, that’s just the way folks talk, out here in the West. You’ll soon get the hang of it.” [Turns to Moe] “So, will you sign?” [Jill moves back among the others, behind Sue but in front of Bushwhack Bronco, frowning at the laws thoughtfully.]

Little Moe: “Yes, I think I will.” [Signs the paper.] “Which house is mine?”

Agent: [Takes paper] “Let’s see … just you?”

Moe: “Yes, although I hope to be able to afford a family, someday … “

Agent: “Well, then, I’ll set you up with a little two-bedroom place, to start. If you later need more room, you can see me to get lumber to add on to your house. Here’s the key to your house, and your copy of the Laws. Your 40 acres is parcel 24-B – it is marked out with signs, just outside town on the south side.” [Hands key and Laws to Moe.]

Little Moe: “Thank you so much! I’m sure I’ll be very happy here!”

Agent: “On behalf of the Founder, you are very welcome here. Don’t forget to obey the Laws!”

Moe: “I won’t! Thank you!” [He heads off in search of his house, offstage. Others freeze.]

Narrator: “And so, Little Moe settled into his new little two-bedroom home, and soon Moe was out on his land, clearing and plowing and sowing seed. The soil was very rich, and he was very proud to have land of his own and to live in such a nice town. Meanwhile, back at the Land Office, others were receiving their parcels.”

Agent: [speaks to Sue] “So, what about you, ma’am? Can I help you?”

Sasparilla Sue: [Comes up to Land Office table.] “Yes, are you the Land Agent?”

Agent: “I sure am, ma’am. What can I do for you? Such lovely blond hair, you have!”

Sasparilla Sue: [Pats her hair self-consciously.] “Oh, you are too kind. I was just wondering about the free land deal? Is it true?”

Agent: “Yes, ma’am. Just sign here, that you agree to the Laws of the town, and I can give you 40 acres of your very own, and a pretty little house, here in town.”

Sasparilla Sue: “I don’t suppose you would give me 80 acres, would you? I have a cousin who might be coming to town. I could just handle the paperwork for him …”

Agent: “No ma’am, just 40 acres per family. If your cousin comes, you can have him apply for his own parcel of land at that time.”

Sasparilla Sue: “Oh, well, then I’ll just have one parcel. I sign here?”

Agent: “Yes ma’am. Just read the Laws, before you sign.”

Sasparilla Sue: “No Fightin’, No Thievin’, No Lyin’, No Murderin’, No Spittin’? That seems easy enough.” [Signs.]

Agent: “And here’s your key and a copy of the Laws. Your parcel is 8-A, just west of town.”

Sasparilla Sue: “Thank you, very much.” [Takes the key and the Laws, heads toward edge of stage.]

The Kid: [Still sweeping] “Say, miss, you look a lot like Sasparilla Sue, who was involved with that gold mine scam, last year.”

Sasparilla Sue: [Guiltily] “Oh, you must be confusing me with someone else.”

The Kid: [Smiles.] “Well, in any case, be sure to remember that in this town, this is the law: “No Lyin’”. [Wanders off with broom. Sasparilla Sue looks at him thoughtfully, then exits.]

Agent: “Next?”

Bushwhack Bronco: [Shoves in ahead of Calamity Jill.] “Ah believe ah was next. You must be as dumb as dog-meat!”

Calamity Jill: “No, I was next. Don’t you know how to stand in line?”

Bushwhack Bronco: “No, AH was here fust. Do yah want to make something of it?” [Stands very close to Jill, in a threatening posture, fists raised.] “You must be crazier than popcorn on a hot stove!”

Calamity Jill: [Shrinking back, but stealing Bronco’s wallet] “I suppose you WERE next, after all.” [Moves to the end of the line, behind Bart.]

Bushwhack Bronco: “That’s right, little woman.” [Turns to Agent] “So, where do I get my free land?”

Agent: “You will just need to sign this covenant, saying you will obey the laws of the town. You might want to think carefully about the one that says, “No Fightin’”.

Bushwhack Bronco: “Are you sayin’ that you think I might start fights with the other townspeople, you little horn-toad?”

Agent: [Stands up, calmly faces Bushwhack across the table.] “That is EXACTLY what I am saying, Mr. Bushwhack Bronco. If you can’t obey the laws of the town, you should not accept the free parcel of land.”

Bushwhack Bronco: “Wahl … I suppose I kin sign the agreement. Ah will TRY not to fight … “

Agent: “Just sign here, then. Here’s your key – you’ll have parcel 5-D. We’ll put you on the north side of town, off by yourself, just to be safe.”

[Bushwhack Bronco heads offstage, but encounters the Kid on the way, who somehow manages to get in his way.]

Bushwhack Bronco: “Get outta mah way, you dumb sweeper!”

The Kid: “Excuse me, sir, I didn’t mean to get in your way. Just trying to clean up the place.”

Bushwhack Bronco: “Just don’t cross me, or you’ll be pickin’ your teeth up out of the dirt.”

The Kid: “Sir, you might want to review the laws of the town again. Remember, “No Fightin’”. “

Bushwhack Bronco: “I don’t need a broom jockey tellin’ me what to do. You get me?” [Walks offstage without waiting for an answer. The Kid shakes his head and goes back to sweeping.]

Black Bart: [Steps up to the table.] “Howdy, pahdnuh. What’s this I hear about free land?”

Agent: “Well, the Founder built this town and is offering 40 acres of land and a house in town to anyone who is willing to sign this agreement.”

Black Bart: “I don’t like to sign none of them thar agreements. I don’t read so well. What does it say?”

Agent: “It basically says that you agree to follow a few simple laws. No Fightin’, No Thievin’, No Lyin’, No Murderin’, No Spittin’. Can you agree to that?”

Black Bart: [Spits.] “Well, I guess I can. 40 free acres, you say?”

Agent: “Yes sir. I notice you have a gun on your belt. You’re not one of those gunfighters, are you?”

Black Bart: “I just use it to shoot Coyotes and other … varmints.”

Agent: “OK. But be careful with that. One of our strictest laws is “No Murderin’”. Just put your ‘X’ here … “

Black Bart: [Angrily] “I can sign my own name!” [Signs.]

Agent: [Peers at signature.] “Of course you can, Mr. Squiggle Squiggle.”

Black Bart: [Angrily] “The name is Bart! Black Bart!”

Agent: “Oh, I’m terribly sorry, I’m not very good with handwriting. I’ll just make a note of that. [Writes Bart’s name.] “OK, here is the key to your house and a copy of the Laws. Your parcel of land will be 13-D. It is clearly marked, just east of town.”

Black Bart: [Takes key.] “Thanks. “ [Leaves Land Office, but stays onstage, near corner. Crumples up Laws and throws them on the ground.]

The Kid: [Sweeps along, finds crumpled sheet of laws, picks it up, smoothes it out.] “Excuse me, sir, you seem to have dropped this.” [Offers the paper to Black Bart.]

Black Bart: [Makes no effort to accept the paper.] “So?”

The Kid: “Well, I notice this is a list of the laws of the town. It is pretty important – I figured you might want to hang onto it, so you could review it from time to time.”

Black Bart: “Nah, I don’t read so well, and I don’t care about those stupid laws. I figger I kin do what I like, ‘cause I’ve got this! [Draws his gun, points it at The Kid.]

The Kid: “Please be careful with that, sir. One of the most important laws is “No Murderin’”. You’ll want to be careful not to do that.”

Black Bart: “Mebbe, or mebbe not. You just better stay outta my way, sonny-boy.” [Wanders over to corner of stage, while The Kid shrugs and sweeps back toward the Land Office.]

Agent: “Next?”

Calamity Jill: “I seem to be the last customer.”

Agent: “Did you hear what I said to the others about the laws of the town?”

Jill: “Yes, I did. I am willing to sign, but you should know … [Looks around guiltily] … I have a bit of a problem with Thievin’.”

Agent: “Yes, I notice that you seem to have ‘found’ Mr. Bushwhack Bronco’s wallet.”

Jill: “Oh, you saw that? Well, he WAS standing a little too close to me. I just couldn’t help myself.”

Agent: “In this town, you will need to follow the laws carefully, especially the one about Thievin’. Will you sign?”

Jill: “I’ll sign.” [She signs.]

Agent: “You can leave Mr. Bronco’s wallet with me, I’ll see that he gets it back. Here is your key. I’ll give you parcel 18-F, near Mr. Moe.”

Jill: [Hands wallet over to Agent.] “Thank you, sir!” [She heads offstage, nodding at The Kid as she passes him.]

Agent: “Well, that seems to be everyone. I guess I’ll close up for the day.” [Takes paperwork and leaves stage.]

Narrator: “And so the town was founded. Each of the townspeople had signed the covenant, agreeing to follow the laws. But some of them had other ideas … "

Black Bart: “This seems like such a nice, peaceful little town. It looks like it needs someone to take charge of it, maybe someone like … ME!" [Laughs evilly, takes gun out of holster, shoots a few imaginary people, blows imaginary smoke from the muzzle of his gun, then goes offstage.]

Narrator: “Tune in next time as we continue the story of ‘Little Moe and the Town of Paradise Gulch’”.