Comments on: Tomato Stake Parenting

By: Classic Mama

Classic Mama — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 19:53:42 +0000

good for y’all in being consistent. This parenting stuff is much harder than it looked when we were kids.

By: gail

gail — Fri, 30 May 2008 03:57:19 +0000

hey kathy,
i did b-day meme at my blog and tagged you! to play along. if you do these things, i guess i shouldn’t assume everyone plays along, come over to my blog and see what you have to do.

blessings, gail

By: Posie

Posie — Thu, 29 May 2008 23:18:02 +0000

Kathy, it sounds like a lot of extra “work” but in the long run, I know that it will be worth all the tears and frustration! You are doing the right thing and we all know that being under mom’s constant supervision is never fun but the sooner we learn what we are “supposed to” the sooner, we are granted a little bit of freedom which will eventually lead to full freedom!

Go Daniel, we have faith in you!! You will do well as you have a wonderful set of parents who love you and want you to be the best that God has created you to be!

By: KME

KME — Thu, 29 May 2008 20:29:30 +0000

Thank you so much, everyone, for your encouraging words. I hesitated to post this blog out of a desire to protect Daniel and his “reputation,” but I learn so much from other moms. I hoped maybe this journey with Daniel might encourage and inspire other families in their parenting.

Those who know Daniel are aware of his cheerful, giving spirit and his giftedness in working with little children. They might think we are nitpicking or pushing too hard. Compared to some of his peers, he shines like a bright star.

However, as Tim shared, we are seeing some big gaps in his moral training. There seems to be a disconnect between what he knows (or should know as a young man who has been raised with Biblical principles) and his actions.

I hope to continue sharing our successes (and failures).

Thank you again for encouraging our family!

By: Childlife

Childlife — Thu, 29 May 2008 18:29:48 +0000

Kathy and Tim -

My husband and I are just so blessed in watching the beautiful and compassionate strength with which the two of you choose to work as a parenting team. This is how my husband and I were raised and just what we strive to do with our children too — parent them with discipline that always shows them the extent of our love so that they will be provided with the life skills they need to be exceptional to the fullest level of their potential. You and your family are inspirational — keep up the most excellent work even though the path is steep at times.

By: gail

gail — Thu, 29 May 2008 18:24:10 +0000

i love the analogy of tomato staking. what a gift you are giving your son. a plant that is staked is so much stronger when the stake is removed, like a tree.

you guys are an inspiration in your parenting skills and endeavors. thanks for being transparant and letting us see the victories and hardships. i am encouraged in the Lord by your lives.

By: Cindy

Cindy — Thu, 29 May 2008 16:07:38 +0000

Daniel is so blessed to have parents who will do this hard heart work with him! I am guessing one of mine might benefit from this approach sometime soon.

I’d love at peek at your value shelves. I’m sure I’ve missed a few.

By: De'Etta @ Choosing Joy

De'Etta @ Choosing Joy — Thu, 29 May 2008 15:22:45 +0000

Praying with you for a work of grace and transformation in Daniel’s life and a heart changed from the inside out.

Any time spend with a child is bound to reap rewards for all.

By: Tim

Tim — Thu, 29 May 2008 14:25:47 +0000

One of the great things about this approach is that it gives us an extra opportunity to be around one of our children. Daniel is good company, and I enjoy his sense of humor and his quick wit (not to mention his tendency toward practical jokes).

We’ve been thinking a lot, lately, about the idea of a ‘moral warehouse’ (sort of like Costco) where we keep our values. When I’m presented with a situation that might require a moral response, I send my little fork-lift robot up and down the aisles to bring back any values that might apply. For example, if I’m sitting on a full train and a woman or an older man gets on, my robot might come back with a box labeled ‘respect for age’ or ‘chivalry’ that might prompt me to give up my seat for that person.

If I’ve never been taught about ‘respect for age’ or ‘chivalry’, then my robot will come back empty-handed, and I’ll sit there in my seat unknowing that a moral opportunity passed me by.

One of the things we’ve noticed is that we have not taught some of these values to our children, and so their moral warehouses are not as full as they ought to be. Tomato-staking allows us to take extra time to make sure those value shelves are well-stocked.

Mainly, I like the idea of tomato-staking because we have so many tomato plants, and many of them are already staked.

I love you, Daniel. I’m glad to be your Dad, and I’m glad to spend more time with you. Thanks for playing Civilization with me last night.

Tim-Daddy

By: Aunt Kate

Aunt Kate — Thu, 29 May 2008 13:58:28 +0000

Yea, team. God will honor your work!!

I continue to be proud of you and Tim. I love you. AK