Desperate Measures

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It is a sad thing to see a man brought to his knees by the trials and vicissitudes of life. In cases of extreme physical discomfort, even the most rational of men may set aside his education and experience, engaging in the most superstitious of rituals, hoping for some relief. I am ashamed to admit that I have fallen prey to such unscientific methodology, in the midst of allergy season.

I live in a forest, and I seem to be allergic to tree pollen. Rudely, the trees around here continue to pollinate each Spring, year after year, with no apparent concern for my troubles. A kindly neighbor has given me Green Magma Organic Dietary Supplement with Essential Nutrients, Active Enzymes, Antioxidants and Chlorophyll (ground hay), which I consume daily, much to the amusement of my children. As it is entirely unpalatable, I mix it with tomato juice:

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Mixed, it closely resembles tar, or at least it no longer looks like tomato juice. Nevertheless, I drink it down faithfully, hoping against hope that my allergic reaction to tree pollen will somehow be diminished by um, er, consuming minced barley grass.

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I suppose, even if eating hay does not help at all, it does not seem to do me any harm; I do try to resist the impulse to trot around the house neighing like a horse. Nobody seems to mind — during allergy season my family has come to expect a lot of weird noises and even weirder behavior from me.

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