When the Lord works in your life to refine you, do you fight, flee or listen?

I am a cheerful, even-tempered person, for the most part, but this evening I found myself weeping.


God is speaking to me about some issues of self-control and discipline in my life. I can feel Him pruning away the dry, shriveled branches.

It hurts. Stings. Wrenches.

Even though I know the end result is fresh growth and new blossoms, I still find myself clinging to those withered, unattractive twigs.

rachel and her mama

Rachel and I enjoyed the sunshine this afternoon.

Today a friend listened to me share my struggles in the areas of finances, homeschooling and healthy food/exercise habits. Just as I was asking for prayer to be faithful, she interrupted to point out that all of those battles lead back to a lack of self-control.

“You can’t treat the symptoms when there is an underlying, root cause that needs addressing,” she said and from there we began a quick Biblical word study on the topics of “self-discipline” and “self-control.”

It wasn’t pleasant. My heart was hurt as I looked in the face of some of my shortcomings and thought about my many failures. I was weary at the thought of all the effort involved in CHANGING a core weakness.

At the end of our visit, my friend gently touched her Bible and said she would be earnestly praying for me from Colossians 1.

“…and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience…” Colossians 1:9-11

let's sit together

Through the fire, amidst the tears, never leaving me, the Lord is there by my side. When I am weak, I can lean on Him. In my ugliness and failure, His love is still true and constant.


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9 thoughts on “Accountability”

  1. Dear sister, your heart clearly desires to follow hard after your Lord, and that is Good. Not to rest on your laurels, but for encouragement, look at how far you’ve come, and the discipline you have been exercising the past few years, far beyond what you did in earlier years. And see that you ARE growing and making progress, by the grace and help of God. Thanks be to God for His ever-ready help for us in our abundant weaknesses! Press on; you can do All Things through Christ who strengthens you.

  2. I wish we could sit over a cup of something hot (or cold; I’m not picky) and talk for hours.

    This was beautifully written. God will bless your willing spirit. Can’t wait to hear all He does in you. Thanks for being transparent.

  3. The wonderful thing is God knows us full well. He knows our strengths and weaknesses; and He knows our needs. The pruning time is hard but the harvest will be plentiful after …

    will remember you in prayer…

  4. As you know I am in a similar place right now. As I prayed with two sisters in Christ I came to the ugly realization that I was in sin… sin of disbelief. I don’t believe God can change me. I don’t belieive God will always provide. The list goes on and I wept as I repented of my unbelief. How can God not be there for me as he has so many times before in my life. Like you, I feel the pruning taking place and it hurts so bad. YET, I also have the odd mix of the feeling of excitement. I am excited to see what fruit God will bear in his timing as a result of this pruning!

  5. There is no ugliness in a heart that desires growth, Kathy. You’re a beautiful soul, and I will be praying for you as I pray about my own shortcomings. Lifting you up this week in prayer, dear friend!

  6. Oh – I’ve been right there with you, dear friend. It’s a good, rewarding, needful pruning….pain…a good pain. I’m praying for you and for me as well.

  7. Oh, wow … I just picked a P365 blog at random, and this is the one the Lord led me to. I am a horrible procrastinator, very unorganized, and not as financially wise as I should be. Self-discipline is such an issue for me. Thanks for sharing. On a positive note, these pictures with your daughter are just beautiful! I’m betting that your daughter will treasure these pictures for years to come. Isn’t it amazing how the Lord blesses us?

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