Zero Fun, Sir!

One of my favorite Football movie quotes is from Remember the Titans, in which the new coach (played by Denzel Washington) is haranguing the team. One of the football players is clowning around, and Coach Boone singles him out:

Petey Jones: [has hand raised for a high-five and is smiling]
Coach Boone: Put your hand down.
[Petey does as told]
Coach Boone: You’re smiling.
Petey Jones: Yes.
Coach Boone: Yes, sir. Why are you smiling?
Petey Jones: ‘Cause I love football. Football is fun.
Coach Boone: Fun, sir? It’s fun?
Petey Jones: Yes.
Coach Boone: You sure?
Petey Jones: I think…
Coach Boone: Now you’re thinkin’. First you smile, then you thinkin’. You think football is still fun?
Petey Jones: Uh, yes.
Coach Boone: Sir.
Petey Jones: Yes- no, sir.
Coach Boone: No?
Petey Jones: Um, it was fun.
Coach Boone: Not anymore though, is it? *Is* it?
Petey Jones: Not right now, no.
Coach Boone: No, it’s not fun anymore. Not even a little bit.
Petey Jones: Uh… no.
Coach Boone: Make up your mind. Think since you’re thinking. Go on, think. Is it fun?
Petey Jones: No, sir.
Coach Boone: No? Absolutely not?
Petey Jones: Zero fun, sir.
Coach Boone: [addresses team] All right, listen up! I’m Coach Boone. I’m gonna tell you about how much… fun you’re gonna have this season.

Mustering all my authority (as pater familias), I instructed my children, many of whom are now off from school. Like Coach Boone, I radiate authority and am generally obeyed without question.

Well, most of the time.

OK, once, I was obeyed without question, sometime in 2003. I’m pretty sure.

“Now, you understand that Sarah and David and I are not on Christmas break, yet. We all have school and work until Friday, and until we are off, there will be no fun whatsoever. No fun until Friday evening.” I waved my index finger sternly.

Zero fun, Sir!

Zero fun, Sir!

Naturally, they all took my words to heart, and are NOT playing games, watching movies, drinking egg-nog, and generally being festive.

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2 thoughts on “Zero Fun, Sir!”

  1. Your lame attempt to get sympathy is in vain. Besides, your family has fun just by being together, and you can’t help that, can you? (Nor do you really want it to stop; we know the truth!) I like that special puzzle table by the window! That’s where I want to be. But not having any fun. At all.

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