The Lord and I have been wrestling today. Actually I’ve been wrestling with my own heart, spirit and sin. My brokenness and flesh raise its ugly head at every opportunity. Thankfully the Lord has an answer for my struggle and for my weaknesses.
He’s been meeting me in every moment. I’ve been called to really grow and stretch this month. I’ve had to operate in His strength and not mine. I’ve had to walk through situations, covered in the prayers of friends. I’ve been so empty of my own wisdom and knowledge and ability to walk forward, that His wisdom, glory and love shone brighter than I’ve ever seen it.
And this morning, when I came to Him with some hurts and pain, He was there. Quietly breathing life and truth into my soul. As the intensity of the situation has passed, it leaves in its wake the bruises of hurts and offenses and more brokenness.
I can hear my pride fussing about how I was wronged. I hear my self-righteous spirit whine about the sins of “other Christians.” Instead of peace and joy, I find myself wanting validation and justification, even maybe a little vengeance thrown into the mix.
And so the words in Matthew 5 were especially tender to me today.
“And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying:
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil again you falsely on my account.
Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”
With eyes once more focused on Him, I picked up my pen and confessed my sins to the Lord. I scribbled down my hurts and my concerns and my fears. I listened. I opened my hands, again, to what He is doing through me. I promised to trust Him – His timing, His leading, His protection. With unsteady hands, I told Him I would obey, even if the steps were painful. I would be pure in heart. I would be merciful. I would be a peacemaker. I would rejoice and be glad, even if others persecute me. I will be meek. I will hunger and thirst for righteousness, not personal satisfaction or public glory.
I will love.
I found the answer, again, in His Word, His Presence, His Truth.
Project 365 – Day 57