It’s been a long time since I wrote a blog post. Last year Kathy set a goal to write or post something every day, but the ‘every day, rain or shine’ nature of her commitment (which she thought I subscribed to) felt forced and contrived to me. Right at the end of the year, we got into a sort of a fight about it, because she wanted to back-date some posts that were based on pictures which had been taken on a certain day, and that seemed a little too revisionist (shades of the Ministry of Truth, from 1984) to me. It was one of those trivial-seeming, innocent differences of opinion which suddenly turned ugly, picking up baggage and momentum from other, previous arguments, growing rapidly into a major disagreement.
So both of us (somewhat bewildered) carefully backed away from posting anything on the blog, and our joy in the project was stolen. Since then, we haven’t posted anything, both licking our wounds and wondering if to resume would be to reopen the argument. Since neither of us really understood the others’ viewpoint, we both felt a little paralyzed and yet unhappy with the status quo.
It’s been six months. I know Kathy feels unhappy about not recording the major events of our life in the blog, and I admit that I miss it, too. The blog serves as a way for me to crystallize the thoughts of my heart and to reveal that to myself and the people I love. Maybe we can start again.
Marriage seems to involve a lot of these kind of things, where two people come together again, admitting they are different and broken and sometimes wrong, and offering at least a willingness to start again, maybe this time a little kinder and gentler. After 24 years of marriage, you’d think I would have figured this out.
I’m sorry, Kathy, for trampling on your joy in the blog last year. I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings. I care about you and the fun we have as a family. Let’s try this again.