Spiritually Drained

You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won’t grow weary
You’re the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Everlasting God by Chris Tomlin

david crosses swords

My spirit was drained and my soul weary by the time Sunday evening approached. I had a full morning of ministry and Bible study. The afternoon was largely spent in intense conversation and prayer with a new accountability partner. By the time I returned home, there was less than an hour before we needed to leave for the Concert of Prayer. I felt close to tears. My spiritual muscles were sore from use and my faith joints creaky and protesting.

Tim drew me outside to sit with him in the sunshine. We basked in the warmth of the late afternoon and spent precious minutes in sweet conversation. He did NOT offer to take the children off to church and let me stay home. He did NOT say we should all take the evening off from responsibilities. Neither did he lecture me about the importance of prayer and our commitment to the church or remind me of all the people we’ve invited to come and pray this evening.

He gave me time to talk and absorb the glory of the warm sun and then cheerfully gathered the family into the van.

My spirit quailed at the thought of spending another hour and a half at church. I was drained and weary. I had already given of myself – to the grownups in our Sunday School class, to the preschoolers, to the ministry leaders, to my family, to friends. I had already spent time in the Word, in prayer and in service. Surely I deserved some quiet time alone.

the lord builds the house

Welcome to the Ministry Fair!

How is it possible that I, who have been a believer for so long and who comes from a rich and godly heritage, could have such weak spiritual muscles? How could I have so quickly forgotten the passage we studied this morning?

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. I John 3:16

Here was an opportunity to lay down my life, my agenda, my desire for solitude and rest and come together with a beloved body of believers and intercede for the needs of the church.

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! I John 3:1

all these people ...

In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost. Matthew 18:14

My heart was cold and my attention distracted through the first song we sang as part of the worship time. Slowly, however, the Lord warmed my heart the way the afternoon sun had warmed my body. And then we sang Everlasting God. Surely this song was selected just for me, by the Almighty God who knew I was weary and tired and facing a full week of homeschooling and difficult parenting.

You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won’t grow weary
You’re the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

I may grow tired and worn, spending my pathetically small reserves of faith and grace, but the Lord — He who created the sunshine and the beauty of this world, who is eternal and unchanging — won’t grow weary. He promises to be my strength and salvation.

I don’t need to be strong — I can rest in His strength and continue laying down my life, knowing it is safe and secure in His hands.

Project 365 – Days 255 & 256

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16 thoughts on “Spiritually Drained”

  1. I love that song, and I sang it in prayer last week for a friend who had just lost her father. God is good, and I can defintely say He ministers to our weary souls through songs of spiritual and Biblical truths. May God be glorified!!

  2. I cried reading your sweet blog this morning, Katherine. Hang on- God will do the uplifting, you don’t have to. I esp love the picture of you and Tim sitting in the sun- regrouping for a few min!!

    Our sacrifices are tiny compared to Jesus’ death, aren’t they. So why do they often feel so big?? yuk.

    I love you. Aunt Kate

  3. Sweet Kathy, thanks for writing this. How truly we have been learning that God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness, over the course of this month!

  4. I really needed that. It is hard to keep going sometimes, and I am glad I am not the only one. I need to take a lesson from you and keeping on, though. I need breaks, but I shouldn’t. God will give me the strength to continue.

  5. what an interesting thing. A MINISTRY FAIR. Never heard of one. Isn’t it just like God to prune us to make us MORE fruitful? Yep, that’s been my kind of year as well.

  6. Kathy-

    Thanks for stopping by Bibliophile’s Retreat As for spreading out over the months – I know what I usually read in a month or a week or so and reading is my recreation in many ways and my way to relax and escape from reality for a bit. Many of these books are for groups I have joined that review and introduce Christian Fiction on their member blogs but I look forward to experiencing some new authors and genres.

    I figured that setting up a schedule of sorts would give me a concrete way to track progress on my TBR piles which seem a bit overwhelming at the moment even to me. ;~D

    I could never completely give up reading fiction in order to read blogs. I try to fit both in somehow – of course I suppose in this case being single is a plus since I don’t have the responsibilities of kids and spouse though there are many days I dream and long for both despite the limited knowledge I have of the work it entails.

    Your post is a good reminder of our need to focus and rely on Him for everything whether that means strength, daily needs like food and finances or the ability to reflect His character to those around us. I have a friend who has said many times – “anything good that comes from us is the result of God working through us, on our own the best we are capable of is still toxic”. It is anothr reminder that we need Him in order to be who He intended for us to be in this world.

    Melissa in OR

  7. Kathy-

    Thank you for stopping by Bibliophile’s Retreat. I organized my list by months because I know about how much I read in a given amount of time so it was a measuring stick of what can I really expect to get through in this timeframe – leaving a bit of space to add in if needed or to take longer if for some reason I do. It also allows me to track where I’m at in attacking my piles of books and hopefully they won’t be quite so overwhelming in a few weeks.

    Your post is a good reminder of where our focus should be and that we always need Him to provide whether it is strength to face whatever comes our way, the daily needs such as food and finances or the ability to reflect Him to those around us. I have a friend who says – “anything good we are able to produce is not of our own making but a result of God working through us since on our own the best we have to offer is still toxic”. Your post is another of those reminders like my friend’s statement that we need our Lord to get through and to be who He has designed us to be.

    Melissa in OR

  8. Kathy, I saw your comment on Katrina’s book post, and I had to pop over here and say “hi.” What a testimony to getting refreshment without simply bowing out of your responsibilities. My husband is the same way about encouraging me to do what I should do, not just what I feel like doing!

    I’m a BSFer as well. From your header, it looks like you live in the Pacific NW. I lived in Portland for 4 years. Loved it.

    As far as reading goes–I was the same way when I started blogging–that’s where all my downtime went. But then I missed reading, and starting making more of an effort to do so, and that has now turned into a little bit of a reviewing “job” at another blog, which is cool. I don’t think that those of us who are reading are better or wiser or smarter than those who don’t have time. It’s simply a matter of what you want to do with your free time–if it’s blogging, then blog (and read others). If it’s TV and movies, that’s okay in moderation, too. I have found that I want to make time to write/blog and read, so the blogging has slipped off a bit (especially reading so many blogs), and the TV watching is down to almost nothing.

  9. What a lovely post, Kathy. The love of God shines through your wonderful words. I find myself being worn out most of the time and only through God’s grace do a go from day to day! This particular time in my life has been a tough one, but also a time of seeing how faithful God is.

    As always, thanks for the great entry.

  10. Emily – this was our annual Ministry Fair but we’ve only been at the church for 2 and a half years so I don’t know if they’ve been doing them for years. Ha! It’s a lovely time for all the ministry leaders to decorate a table, provide information and encourage people to become involved. We have a food bank at our church and they built this fantastic “house” with 2×4′s and cans. The labels on the cans had the pictures of the food bank workers on them. Very clever!

    Thanks for writing!

  11. Dear, Dear Kathy -

    Many prayers for you this evening, as I know well the weariness of your heart. Do not, however, believe for a second that your soul’s longing for solitude is a weakness. We were designed that way and Christ himself gave example. One of my favorite and often overlooked verses reminds me that my heart’s cry for solitude is one that should not be ignored:

    Luke 5:16

    “But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.”

    The whole passage is a lovely portrait of the delicate balance of ministry and being ministered to.

    I am certain that you already know this, but when so much of your life is centered on service, it is so very important to remember that it is God who has placed that cry for solitude in your heart. Do take time to be alone.

    I too, struggle as a Mom in knowing where to put my spiritual needs. The times that I place myself dead last are the times when I fail to live up to my potential as a parent. I have so much admiration for how you and your husband are raising your children. Be encouraged in knowing that another is lifting you up in prayer.

  12. I LOVE that song, too. But FYI, Brenton Brown actually wrote that song. Chris Tomlin and others (Lincoln Brewster for one) have recorded it.

  13. I love that song as well. We’ve played it at church many times. I’m also quite worn out at the moment so I can TOTALLY relate to your post! Eloquent as always.

  14. Hey we sang that song last week too. I guess God uses song a lot to reach the parts of us that words alone cannot reach.

  15. We held a ministry fair this past year. It was great because everyone in the church could see at one time what was available for them and the ministry leaders loved it too!

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