All posts by Tim

Sioux Perdad

One of the fun things that Kathy does in her work with the Mentorship program for the women of our church, is to participate in skits. Trying to make the whole mentor/mentee relationship less scary, these dramatic sketches portray problematic mentors in a humorous light.

One of the characters is a wife and mother on-the-go, who is able to do everything and be everywhere. She schedules her meetings with her mentee to coincide with a child’s soccer game. “Bring your own chair so you can sit with me on the sidelines,” she tells the woman, that she plans to mentor. “I may have to step away for a few moments during the game — the coach really needs my advice.”

I may not have it exactly right (men are traditionally banned from these ‘Mentor Moments’, so I have never actually seen the skit) but that is the essence of the character, I think. Her name is Sue Permom.

Kathy has been away for the past week, helping to care for her Dad at the Mayo Clinic (who has been diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of lymphoma). Although my boss graciously allowed me to work from home this whole week, we were quickly ‘going under’ in terms of dishes and laundry, not to mention homeschooling. Kathy’s friends have been bombarding us with princely meals, but I still wasn’t able to keep on top of the household, so I took yesterday off from work.

At the end of the day, I was beat. I’d filled the dishwasher twice, and had done at least 438 loads of laundry (or maybe 439 — it is possible I lost count). I established my new draconian policy of throwing all clothes that came out of the dryer on the couch in the living room, with dire threats:

“If your clothes are still here in 12 hours, I’m sending them to the Goodwill!”

About 9 pm, just as I settled in to take a well-deserved rest, playing my computer game, little Sarah piped up:

“What about our Valentine’s Day box?”

I groaned. Each year, Valentine’s Day (or the Friday nearest that holiday) is a big deal at our local homeschool co-op. Each family decorates a box (some of them are pretty elaborate, the show-offs) and they make Valentines for each other, usually with a little piece of candy. I constructed a quick mental checklist:

  • Valentine’s Box — nope
  • Valentines — nope
  • Candy — nope

“Quick,” I told Sarah. “Go get that shoebox on my windowsill, and cover it in paper from that roll of butcher paper in the garage. Then you can decorate it.”

Valentine Box
“Granddad, will you be our Valentine?”

Sarah loves to decorate. After I helped her wrap the box and cut a slot in it (all the kids were concerned that the slot must be large enough to accommodate candy), she stenciled our name on it and decorated it with little pink hearts. Then I found a Valentine template in MS Word and printed out a customized valentine (squandering all of Kathy’s red printer ink). The kids formed a folding party and signed the valentines, some 50+ of them. In the morning, I went to the store and bought some candy, so that each valentine can be properly accompanied by a tasty treat.

As they were leaving for co-op, I ran downstairs.

“Stop, wait!” I shouted. “Did you remember the Valentine Box? The Valentines?”

No, they hadn’t remembered any of it. Typical of our family, I’m afraid. But as for me, at least for today, I am Sioux Perdad.

Tim

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Dwelling in the Shelter of the Most High

Today has been a difficult day for me. I am not a person who is very much at home with outward displays of emotion, yet nearly everyone I’ve met today has hugged me and told me, “We’re praying for your family.” In spite of the awkwardness, I am so thankful for the way that God is surrounding us with His saints, who are so determined to show us love in a variety of ways.

Kathy is in Minnesota, helping to care for her Dad, at the Mayo Clinic. Bill continues in very poor health — the doctors still do not have a firm diagnosis for him. Hopefully tomorrow the batteries of scheduled tests will shed some light on the situation. Here in Washington, we watch and pray, checking text messages and Facebook for updates, dreading news yet thirsting for any certainty.

Kathy referenced Psalm 91 in one of her texts, which begins this way:

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

We are continually reminded that we rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Whatever happens in Kathy’s Dad’s body, God will be glorified. And so we watch and pray some more.

In the midst of all this, life continues. We went to church, and I taught most of a Sunday School class. My parents came over after church, and we celebrated my Dad’s 74th birthday. It was very pleasant to connect with my parents again, and to watch my Dad guess each of his gifts before he unwrapped them. He also makes a big deal of saving the wrapping paper, presumably a holdover from his childhood on the heels of the Great Depression. We enjoyed an ice cream pie together and had a sweet time of prayer together for Kathy’s Dad.

Seventy-Four, and Still Silly
We made him blow out the candles twice, as is our custom.

It is hard not to feel guilty or shallow when the normal things of life interpose themselves in front of our concern for Granddad. And yet, I don’t think God wants us to wallow in fear or worry. Where is the balance? How much time do we focus on prayer for the healing of our beloved one, and how much do we go on with life? If we are able to trust easily, does it mean we don’t care about Granddad? If sorrow and tears predominate, does it mean we don’t trust God?

Last night, Daniel pulled out one of his last baby teeth, after much wiggling, in the Albertson’s parking lot. Back at home, he asked me:

“What should I do with it?”

“Put it in a little ziploc bag,” I suggested, not sure where this was going.

Later, as he was heading to bed, he asked me where he should put it.

“Why, do you still believe in the Tooth Fairy?” I raised my eyebrows at him.

I thought it would be funny to see how he answered that question. As an almost-14-year-old, he certainly couldn’t claim a belief in the Tooth Fairy, especially since Kathy and I are not particularly careful to perpetuate such childhood myths. Yet he clearly wanted to be paid for the tooth — I was eager to see his angle.

“No, but I believe in … Money!” Daniel gave me a big, cheesy grin, dangling the ziploc bag suggestively.

The Tooth Fairy is a bit notorious in our household. It is not unusual for kids to place hopeful teeth under their pillows for days at a time before attracting her notice.

“Times are hard,” I tell them, when they complain about their tooth being overlooked. “She is probably working the East coast this week — I hear there was a hockey tournament last weekend, and the poor Tooth Fairy is just swamped. Hang in there, maybe tonight will be your lucky night.”

When I checked on David and Daniel before I went to bed, I was amused to see that Daniel left nothing to chance. On his desk just beside the door, he placed his tooth (in its sanitary little bag), and left a note with an arrow, pointing at the tooth: “Right here, Tooth Fairy!! X marks the spot!” Around the tooth, he bent a glowstick into a circle, literally highlighting the tooth for even the most nearsighted of fairies.

Tooth Fairy-ing for Dummies
Apparently Daniel has no high regard for the intelligence of the Tooth Fairy.

Naturally, the Tooth Fairy made no visit that night. I want my children to learn to be persistent, and to persevere. As Paul told the Romans:

Let us also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character, and character hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us. — Romans 5:3-5

It warmed my heart to watch Daniel’s silliness, and to have something to laugh about.

Pie with Grampa
… and a piece of ice cream pie with Reese’s cup pieces and an Oreo crust never goes amiss.

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Goals for 2011

Every two years or so, Kathy and I attend the Great Commission Conference (aka the Prayer Conference) at Jefferson Baptist Church, in Oregon. We’ve written about it before:

I would have to say, this conference has probably been the single most impact-full training I have received in my life as a Christian. It was this seminar that really awakened in me a desire to be a Champion — that is, a Christian who is truly devoted to growing and excelling as a disciple of Jesus Christ.

Goals by headlock
Sometimes you have to use special ‘persuasion’ to get people to set goals.

Two years ago, we brought Joshua with us, as a sort of ‘rite of passage’ for him as a rather mature 15-year-old. This year, we brought Rachel as well, since she had recently turned 15. I asked each of the kids to invite friends, and Kathy and I invited some others; in all, there were 14 in our party, and more than 20 from our church.

One major focus of the conference is the desirability of using goals as a way to promote growth. As Dee Duke says, a goal (or a commitment, if you prefer that word) is not a goal unless it is:

  • Written down
  • Specific
  • Measurable
  • Achievable (at least somewhat difficult, but not impossible)
  • Accountable

Today was Family Day, so it seemed a good day to have a Family Meeting. I told the kids:

“At 3:30, we’ll meet and discuss our Goals for 2011. Bring a copy of your goals with you to the meeting.”

Swim-Piano Boy
One of David’s goals was to get onto the ‘B’ level of swim team.

There was much scurrying around, because some of the kids hadn’t written their goals at all. Kathy posted a few possible categories on the whiteboard:

  • Spiritual
  • Educational
  • Physical
  • Fun
  • Ministry

We all passed our goals around, and read some of them out loud. This is the week that we will take our goals out for a test drive, seek advice, and adjust as necessary. I’ll post my goals at the bottom of this post, hoping for recommendations and comments.

Six feet or bust!
We all agreed that Daniel’s goal to be six feet tall this year, while specific and measurable, is out of his control, and therefore not a good, achievable goal.

I’m sort of a slow learner, when it comes to goals. This year is the first time that I have agreed with the need to write my goals down AND review them daily, to insure that I keep them in the forefront of my mind.


My Goals for 2011

Spiritual Growth & Maintenance
Pray for my ‘flock’ 5x/week
Read at least 2 chapters from my Bible daily
Pray at least 10 minutes (for that ministry) when preparing for AWANA or Sunday School
Write an encouraging note, card or e-mail to someone in my ‘flock’ every week
Visit someone in the hospital (1 visit/month)
Pray about anger, full-time calling to Missions, and wisdom daily

Marriage
Pray with Kathy 2x/week
Go out on a date with Kathy at least 1x/month
Have a ‘home date’ with Kathy 1x/week

Parenting
Resume special days in some form (at least one child per week)
Read some kind of devotional to my kids 4x/week

Personal

Write one blog post each week
Exercise 5x/week, 15 minutes minimum

Administrative
Review my goals daily
Report (email) on my goals to the elders & my ‘prayer boys’ weekly
Report (email) on my daily tasks to my boss each work day (5x/week)

Learn or Do Something New
Take some kind of a class with Kathy this year

Fun with the Family
Find at least 1 geocache each week
Play at least 1 board game/week with my family
Go camping as a family twice before September 30

Big, Hairy, Audacious Goals (BHAGs)
Increase our tithes & offerings by $50/week
Pray 30 times about my calling into full-time Missions work
Complete the Wycliffe application
Meet with the Wycliffe IT recruiter


I’m not trying to boast, or make anyone uncomfortable — indeed, for some of you, these goals may seem pretty pathetic. I just want to accomplish something with 2011, and I think that these goals will help to keep me on that track.

Tim

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Valentine’s Day with All the Trimmings

I’m looking south through our bedroom window, across the valley at the snow-covered hills, as we enjoy the last hour of our stay in Leavenworth, WA. I could sit on the balcony, but it is cool this February morning, and I want to be near Kathy, who is not yet ready to be outside. The fire in the corner warms my skin to match the warmth in my heart as I savor the memory of this glorious getaway weekend.

The hills around Leavenworth
The view from our balcony …

It all started more than a month ago, when my parents returned from their travels on the east coast. They’d been away for three weeks, and enjoyed time with my brother and sister and their respective families. Now they were ready for some time with our children.

“When can we have the kids?” they asked us, eagerly. Although they often host our children out at the Duckabush, my parents always seem to be willing to help out. It is a great blessing to have grandparents who enjoy their grandchildren and are so solicitous for our well-being as parents and as a married couple.

My Valentine
My Valentine

“We’d really like to send the two of you to Leavenworth,” they told us. “Can we make the arrangements?” We checked our calendars and found we were free on the weekend that spanned Valentine’s Day and President’s Day. And so it was, that we found ourselves driving three hours into the Cascade mountains on a dark and drizzly Friday evening. Arriving just before 8 pm, we were graciously greeted by the Randy and Renee, the host and hostess of this beautiful Bed & Breakfast, the Abendblume. Perched on the slope just outside the town of Leavenworth, the Abendblume boasts seven suites in a luxurious Bavarian chalet-style building.

The AbendblumeThe Abendblume

The common areas are a feast for the eyes, tastefully decorated in winter and Valentine’s Day themes. We spent much of the weekend alternating between our sumptuous suite and the piano room, where comfortable chairs and couches faced a large fire, blazing and crackling.

The Piano RoomMost of the time, we had this room to ourselves, which was delightful.

The Schneewittchen
Our suite was called the Schneewittchen (aka the Snow White suite).

Each morning, Renee served breakfast in the dining room, with delectable Aebleskivers one morning, Eggs Caprice and Almond Puffs another. Fresh fruit, coffee, fresh-baked bread — these breakfasts made it worthwhile, to claw my way up from the embrace of the soft bed and down comforter, each morning. The hostess helped me to fill a delectable tray of goodies to bring back up to our suite, where I was greeted as a hero by a late-sleeping Kathy.

Breakfast with aebelskivers
Aebelskivers are the round muffin-like things with powdered sugar in the cast-iron pan.

During the day, Leavenworth boasts a variety of shops and restaurants, all decorated in a traditional German motif. Even the Subway and Bank of America sported custom lettering on their signage. We shopped and strolled and dined and talked to our hearts’ content. In the evenings, dessert was served in the dining room from 8 – 10 pm; it was very pleasant to have a reason to leave our room, and to mingle with the other guests.

Downtown Leavenworth

On Saturday afternoon, we had instructions to report to Mountain Springs Lodge, some 20 miles further into the mountains. “Dress warmly and bring an appetite,” the cryptic instructions read. The brochure that accompanied the directions featured a 2-hour snowmobile ride by moonlight — neither of us had ever been snowmobiling before, and Kathy was somewhat apprehensive. “Do you think your folks would send us snowmobiling?” she asked me.

I wasn’t sure. My parents can be unpredictable, sometimes — but snowmobiling didn’t really seem their style. Arriving at the Lodge, we presented ourselves to the snowmobiling concierge. “No, I don’t have a reservation for you,” the girl told us, as burly men struggled into snow-suits behind us. “Maybe you are scheduled for the sleigh ride?”

Starlight ExpressThis was the image from the brochure, featuring the ‘Starlight Express’.

Sure enough, when they checked, they had a reservation for us on the sleigh ride — we were both rather relieved. I stopped imagining scenarios in which the two of us plunged off a precipice, struggling vainly with the controls of our snowmobiles.

We enjoyed a ride through the woods on a large sleigh, pulled by two very powerful draft horses, who didn’t seem to mind that the snow in the pasture was mainly slush. Following the course of a small stream, the horses began to trot, and I found myself back in the days of Little House on the Prairie, complete with blankets to keep us warm. About two thirds of the way through the ride, we dismounted for a hot apple cider break, and to stand around a fire just outside an old barn.

Arriving back at the lodge, we found a delectable salmon and prime rib buffet spread before us. They settled us at an intimate table tucked away behind a huge stone fireplace, truly a Valentine’s Day experience with all the trimmings, down to the chocolate-covered strawberries for dessert.

The Dining RoomOf course, there was always dessert back at the Abendblume, as well …

It was a glorious 72-hour vacation, very reminiscent of our honeymoon, a time when we could enjoy each other without distraction and wallow in luxury. Even now, as I finish writing this blog post several weeks later, a smile comes to my face and a deep sense of rest and peace lingers in my heart.

Kathy's new hairstyle
Not Kathy’s actual hairstyle — but we did stop off at the Hat Shop.

When we returned home, we discovered that the sleigh ride and dinner had been a gift to us from our children, which they paid for in work for Grandma and Grandpa. It commemorated the 50th anniversary of my Mom and Dad’s first date. How typical of my parents, that they would choose to celebrate by giving us such a memorable experience!

My beloved and I
A very memorable weekend …

My mind turns to what I would consider my first ‘date’ with Kathy (we had a somewhat unconventional courtship, involving a lot of group activities and ‘casual’ time before we ever ‘went out’ on a date). For us, it was coffee and some kind of pastry at Duncan Donuts (I’ve always been a big spender on first dates). Maybe in 30 years I’ll be sending my children and their spouses off on a Valentine’s Day Experience with All the Trimmings.

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Speaking Debut

Many people don’t know that my wife is a famous, internationally-acclaimed women’s speaker. This is mostly because she has not, as yet, actually been asked to speak in any other countries. Nevertheless, I expect the invitations to start rolling in, any day now.

Each year our church hosts a Christmas Luncheon for women — a lavish, decorative affair in which women of the church vie with one another to host and decorate the most beautiful holiday table. Fine china is dusted off, elaborate centerpieces are constructed, and more than 250 women flock to our church for this bright spectacle. After the meal and traditional singing of Christmas carols, there is usually a speaker who attempts to inspire the women of our church and their guests with a scriptural message. This year, the Women’s Ministries director asked my wife to be the speaker.

While we were putting away the last of the tables, after everyone had gone home, Becky came up to me. “I am so glad that God used me to ask Kathy to speak,” the Women’s Ministries leader confided gleefully.

I had to agree — Kathy presented her ‘talk’, as she called it, with confidence and clarity, using Romans 12:12 as the core of her message:

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer.

Flowers for my girl

Kathy’s parents sent her these beautiful flowers.

My thoughts drift back to that weekend in early October when Kathy ‘got the call’ as we were driving to attend a leadership retreat. Immediately, she asked me my opinion:

“Should I do it? It seems very scary. What if I can’t connect with the women?”

At first, Kathy had many doubts about speaking publicly. Even after we prayed about it for several days, and she had agreed to serve as the speaker, questions continued to bubble up:

  • What passage will I speak on?
  • What if my hands shake and my voice quavers too much?
  • Why would any of these ladies want to listen to me?
  • What if this is not a calling from God, but only my own desire to be heard?
  • What will I wear?

Admittedly, the last question was perhaps the most difficult for me, as a man, to address.

I valiantly made an attempt. “What did you wear last year?”

Men and women don’t always think the same way, I’ve noticed.

Kathy is a busy person; homeschooling five children, running our household, trying to keep enough food in the house to feed ravenous boys — all these seem to fill her hours. Add in an aggressive prayer and Bible-reading schedule and a discipling relationship, and there isn’t a lot of extra time in the day. Still, she dove in and began studying and preparing her message. We gathered commitments from some of the prayer warriors in our church, to pray regularly for the event. It wasn’t long before Kathy had a passage of scripture that was coming alive to her in a new way. Eventually, she developed the entire message, complete with funny personal anecdotes and effective visual props. She wrote it out, first as an outline, and later filled in all the details.

“How do pastors come up with a new sermon every week,” she asked me one day, shaking her head.

3 boxes for the holidays

These three boxes were part of the talk – a spiritual makeover.

I was impressed by her passion and energy. I am currently taking a hiatus from teaching my Adult Sunday School class, largely because those two qualities were missing in my teaching. One week she managed to connect with the speaker from the fall Women’s Retreat, whom she felt did an incredible job of challenging and encouraging the ladies of our church. Kathy drove an hour, and spent the better part of an evening with her; praying, sharing and studying. The week before the event, she began rehearsing in our bedroom, using a CD rack as a podium, and a full-length mirror to hone her eye contact skills.

We continued to pray. We remembered these verses in Matthew 10:18-20:

On my account you will be brought before governors and kings as witnesses to them and to the Gentiles. But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you.

Although she wasn’t arrested, we still thought the verse would apply. If God wanted Kathy to speak, then God would give her something to say, and would, Himself, cause those words to be effective.

Joshua and Daniel and I had the privilege of serving as waiters for the event, and so (after we bolted down our meal in the kitchen) we were able to watch and listen as Kathy spoke. I was praying furiously, yet somehow still able to listen as she unfolded her ideas and connected with the audience.

It was a great message — simple, practical, spiritual, transparent and personal. The ladies laughed at her jokes and seemed attentive — many of them came up to me afterward and complimented me (presumably because I had the clever foresight to marry Kathy). I am very proud, but even more, I’m delighted to see Jesus glorified and for the gospel to be promoted.

Hope box

Some things in Kathy’s Hope Box – before the makeover.

When we arrived home, Kathy and I went upstairs and snuggled in our bed to talk about the day. Eventually she wound down, and we assembled the kids to do our daily ‘chapter’ Bible reading, currently with an Advent twist.

“How ’bout milkshakes and a Christmas movie,” I shouted. “Who’s with me?” There was a rush of feet for the door. Life goes on, even when you’re a family of an internationally-acclaimed women’s speaker.

Tim

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